The Official Pirate Webpage


Real Ultimate Suck


Hi, this site is all about pirates, REAL PIRATES.  This site is awesome.    My name is (not) Robert and I can't stop thinking about how much pirates suck.  These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally stupid.




1.    Pirates are mammals.

2.    Pirates suck ALL the time.

3.    The purpose of the pirate is to flip out and fondle hairy men.



Weapons and gear:


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Pirate Hook     dhfdgfghfjjhjdsghdsghhjjhhjhjPirate Laser  



Pirate Outfit





Pirates can fondle anyone they want (excluding sweet ninjas)!  Pirates cut off heads (of lettuce) ALL the time and don't even think twice about it.  These guys are so homosexual and stupid that they flip out ALL the time.  I heard that there was this pirate who was eating at a diner.  And when some dude dropped a spoon the pirate fondled the whole town.  My friend Mark said that he saw a pirate totally blow some kid just because the kid opened a window.


And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


If you don't believe that pirates are REAL Ultimate Suck you better get a life right now or they will touch you inappropriately!!!  It's an easy choice, if you ask me.  


Pirates are sooooooooooo stupid that I want to throw up.  I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart.  These guys are totally retarded and that's a fact.  Pirates are slow, ugly, lame, weak, unpowerful, and unsweet.  I can't wait to start killing them next year.  I hate pirates with all of my body (especially my pee pee).    



Q and A:.



Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about hating pirates?

A: Pirates are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they really really suck, but on the other hand, pirates really suck. So you could say they aren't a paradox at all.


Q: I heard that pirates are always cruel or mean.  What's their problem?

A: Pirates are incredibly bitter about not being cool like ninjas, and they take out their anger on everyone else. It's sad, really.


Q: What do pirates do when they're not fondling men or being stupid?

A: That's pretty much all they do.  (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)


Here's a pirate ready to SUCK (or ready for sex with an 8 year old boy)!!!




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